Older and wiser...but mostly just older

There aren't too many advantages to having a January 2nd birthday, but there are a lot of disadvantages. As a kid, it frequently meant heading back to school after 2 blissful weeks off. As an adult, it frequently means heading back to work (for real...not that "sort of back to work but mentally checked out" back to work we do during the week between Christmas and New Year's). It often means you get a combination Christmas and birthday gift, and it almost always means nobody ever really feels like doing much celebrating because they're still recovering from holiday eating binges and trying to turn over a new healthier leaf in the new year.

But one thing I have found to be advantageous is that you only have to do the inevitably guilt-laden "year in review" once during the year. Someone with, say, a June birthday has to look back over the past year both around New Year's and around their birthday and think of what they have accomplished, failed to accomplish, gained, lost, etc. in the past 365 days. Since my birthday is so close to the new year, I really only have to engage in this self-reflection once a year. Which is a good thing when you tend to be a bit lazy like me and often have many more items in the "failed to accomplish" column than the "accomplished" column. (That novel I've always been wanting to write? Still in the "failed to accomplish" column. Thankfully I don't have to think about that until the end of 2013 now!)

This year, as I was thinking about what 2012 and age 32 had meant in my life, I started noodling on what things I have learned in 33 years of life. I think the biggest thing I'm learning is that I don't have all -- or even a small percentage -- of the answers and that the more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. For example, I'm currently watching the HBO miniseries "John Adams" (which is fantastic, by the way), and even though I'm really enjoying it, it's making me feel woefully lacking in my knowledge of the American Revolution. I'm learning while I'm watching it, but I'm also realizing just how much more there is to learn.

This isn't to say, however, that I haven't learned anything over the course of 33 years. While I mostly know that I know nothing, I would say there are five pretty universal truths I've been able to deduce for myself over the course of my life:

5) All women (over age 21, of course) should crack open a bottle of wine whenever they get their periods. If you're trying for a baby and you get your period, it can be really disappointing, but it sure helps to drown your sorrows over a glass of Zinfandel and to remind you that you wouldn't actually be able to drink if you were pregnant, so enjoy while you can. If you're not trying for a baby and you get your period, that's always worth celebrating. Plus, it helps with mood swings and goes great with all the chocolate you're craving.

4)  Adult acne is no laughing matter.

3) Similarly, if the anti-wrinkle cream you are using makes you break out and you have to choose between adult acne or anti-wrinkle cream, refer to #3 above and choose an acne-free life. Chances are that anti-wrinkle cream doesn't really do a damn thing anyway other than to hide your wrinkles underneath the giant pimples it gives you.

2) There are two kinds of people in this world: Jane Austen fans and everyone else. "Everyone else" is missing out on life.

1) The cuter you look while working out is inversely related to how hard you are actually working out. It's very helpful to remind yourself of that next time you're at the gym and you see one of these annoying girls

and you just got off the treadmill after a hard workout of speed intervals and you're soaked with sweat, red-faced, and looking like a hot mess who just burned 600 calories. Those girls in cute matching yoga pants and tops without a drop of sweat and with two pounds of makeup caked on aren't anywhere near as sexy as the woman who is confident enough to work her ass off at the gym.